I look in the mirror each day, and I’m ok with the face that looks back at me, but I believe my eyesight is failing me a bit. Because when I look at photos of me, I’m fairly terrified by what I see. It’s not the whole image – I’ve pretty much (sort of ) come to terms with how I look as I head into the home stretch of my forties…fifty is just a few months away. What shocks me is my eyes, and it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to be in pictures anymore – I just want to remember what it was like to have eyelids that didn’t droop and make me look way, way older in photos than I think (hope) I do in person.
It’s not really fair, the way the camera can catch me at my absolutely most unattractive moments, and then those images get seared into my brain, sending me into a frenzy of feeling old and unattractive. Because in my mind, and in my heart, I’m not old, not in the least. I pride myself on seeing things from a youthful perspective – I use my memories of being my kids ages to help me to relate to them and what’s going on in their lives. I keep up with pop culture and trends in fashion, movies, television, and, to some extent, music – though the last one is a little tough for me – I just don’t get a lot of it – though I think Lady Gaga is a genius and the epitome of youth. I know a lot of women who seem to have forgotten what it’s like to be young and stupid and curious, and when their kids make mistakes, they seem shocked that they are just like everyone else, fumbling around and trying to figure it out. You know who I mean, the ones who said, when their kids were in high school, “my son/daughter never drinks/tried pot/lies to me/had sex/does anything remotely wrong.”
I mean, come on.
So I’ve stayed in touch with my younger self, partly because of my kids, partly because of my addiction to People and Us Magazine, Project Runway and Rachel Zoe (LOVE her) but mostly because youth is interesting. There’s nothing quite as lovely as a 20 year old girl in a pretty dress, nothing quite as touching as a high school senior boy in his tuxedo for prom – it’s the possibilities that being young offers that make youth so fascinating, so appealing, so compelling. The future is a place filled with new experience, choices, and milestones yet to be experienced.
The smooth skin doesn’t hurt, either.
|If you live in LA/OC, go see this – and take your daughter.|
But getting back to my eyes. I’ve pondered the eyelift thing, but to be honest, I’m a little scared – well very scared, actually – because, well, what if I don’t like the way I look when its done? We went to a great exhibit called “Beauty/CULTure,” and when one of the speakers said just that, it really resonated with me. Because the truth is, you can’t undo what’s done, and then you’re stuck with eyes that you don’t recognize, which you may or may not like. Sort of like the mistakes I made when I was growing up – if I could go back and undo them, would I? It’s tempting, to say the least….there were some mistakes that were pretty big, pretty life-changing, and certainly unfortunate. But they all led me here, to where I am today, and today is pretty good – so I think I’d have to say no, I wouldn’t change a thing. And chances are, I’ll never get my eyes done either. I’ll just try to avoid having my picture taken.